There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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