Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
