if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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