I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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