I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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