apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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