I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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