were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
