She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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