i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
