paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
