Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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