I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
