I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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