If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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