it's like iHOP with fire
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
