My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
