vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
