i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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