if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
