I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
