I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
