I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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