I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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