Your face is a jimmy john
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We need to rekindle our bromance
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
