***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Quick, to the slutcave!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
