He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
