just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
