Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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