I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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