it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
