ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
