I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
