Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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