dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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