Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
