you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
