he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
im holly from the hills drunk
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
