and you said cock pushups were impossible
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
