just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
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I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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