what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
