Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
