dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My pussy is not your playground.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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