i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
