I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
