This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
