Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
