If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
