I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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