I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
