so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
