last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
