Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
