Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
