her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
