Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize