I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
