It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
