Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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