If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
