there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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