You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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