I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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