Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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