So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
