That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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