i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
