How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
