What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
