I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
