So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
