So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
