she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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