I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize