Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
