Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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