yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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