I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
