you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
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Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
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Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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