i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
