Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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